Paranopia
by Lone Gunfreak
Summary: The Lone Gunmen travel to a magical land called Paranopia, the land of conspiracies and free thought, love and sunflower seeds.


Paranopia : a mystical land where all the outcasted, disgruntled, conspiracy driven nerds of the   
world live. Sunflower seeds free for all!  
  
Casa de Gunmen  
10:13 am  
  
" Spam, spam, spam, more spam, additional spam, oooh! Conpiracy theory - no wait, it's more spam.   
Didn't we get a Spam-guard type thing for this? " Frohike asked as he checked their e-mail.  
" Don't underestimate the Spam side of the Force! " Langly intoned, breathing heavily.  
" Oh, that was helpfull, Dork Vader. Ok - spam, spam - you're checking this next time, Byers - spam,  
Wait a minute. ' Paranopia'? What the hell is that? "   
" Check it for viruses before you open it! "  
" Well, duh, Byers. "  
They checked it for every known virus ( and a few that only they know about ).  
" Ok. It's not a virus. Open it. "  
  
From : lord_manhammer_666@yahoo.com  
Date : 11/21/00  
To : magic_bullet@lonegunmen.com  
Subject : Paranopia  
  
Come to Paranopia, a mystical land where all the outcasted, disgruntled, conspiracy driven nerds of the   
world live. Sunflower seeds free for all!  
Just click on the " Paranopia " button and you too can live a life of blissfull geekiness!  
{ Paranopia }  
  
" What the hell? "  
" Goddamit, I'm Lord Manhammer! They can't use my name! "  
" Shut up, Ringo. "  
" Make me, *Melvin*! "  
Byers rolled his eyes. " I'm pretty sure this came from Mulder. See where it says ' Free Sunflower Seeds for all! '?  
And it goes on about us being ' conspiracy-driven nerds '. "  
" So click on the button. Maybe he made a website or something. "  
Byers clicked on the { Paranopia } button. The room started swirling around, lights flashed, and the Lone Gunmen   
were sucked into the computer, which had decided to grow to the size of the Chrystler Building. They landed in a   
large field, that, aside from purple grass and a tie-dyed sky, was perfectly normal.  
" Ugh. Ow. "  
" Ergh. Ever get the feeling that a dozen elephants are in your head, fighting for the same peanut? "  
" You mean your brain? "  
" Yup. Ow. "  
The Lone Gunmen laid on the purple grass in a heap. Suddenly, a huge banana pulled by a rat the size of a large   
sheep appeared next to them. 4 girls about 14 years old were sitting in the banana.  
" What the? " said Frohike.  
" Hiya! " said one of the girls ( the one wearing thick Buddy Holly glasses and every piece of Jar-Jar clothing ever made ).  
" Who are you? " said Langly.  
" Mooo, " said the rat.  
The 4 girls came out of the banana.  
" Welcome to our land of geekiness! " one of the girls ( the one in the Woodstock shirt and white jeans ) said.  
" Wanna sunflower seed? " one of the girls ( the one in the Rocky Horror t-shirt, jeans and thick, Buddy Holly   
glasses ) asked, holding up a bag of Duchovny's Seeds.  
" Um, no, thank you. " Byers said." Um...where are we? I don't mean to be rude or anything, it's just that 5 minutes ago, we were in  
our apartment. And now... "  
" We're not, " Langly finished.  
" You're in Paranopia. It started as a typo, and now it's a land of free thought, love and sunflower seeds, " the last girl ( the one in  
a Buddha t-shirt and pants with little rubber duckies all over them ) answered.  
" Not to mention free Internet access, " the Rocky Horror t-shirt wearing girl added.  
" By the way, I'm Lemia Falcon, " the girl in the Woodstock shirt said.   
" I'm Shugotenshi Binks! " the Jar-Jar girl said, squeezing a little beanie baby Jar-Jar doll.  
" I'm Starihaze Garcia, " the girl in the Buddha shirt said. " Wanna screw? " she asked Frohike.  
" Uh, no, thanks. "  
" I'm Rachel O'Brien, " the girl in the Rocky Horror shirt said. " I sent you guys the e-mail. "  
" Oookay. I was...uh...nice meeting you girls, but,uh...we'd like to return to reality now - ahhh! " Langly screamed as  
Shugotenshi tackled him and tore at his clothing.  
" No! Bad Gungan! Bad! " Lemia said, whopping Shugo with a plastic Darth Maul lightsaber. Shugo was eventually  
dragged off Langly, who lay in shock on the ground, his mouth open in a silent scream.  
" You...you guys really wanna leave? " Lemia asked sadly.  
" You can't go around breaking people's hearts like that! " Starihaze ranted. " I fell in love with you - " Shugo gave her  
a pointed look. " We fell in love with you! Chicks like us don't just fall out of the sky, ya know! "  
Suddenly, a certain redheaded FBI agent landed next to them on the purple grass. Starihaze stared at the tie-dyed sky  
and yelled, " Hot, naked computer geeks don't just fall out of the sky, ya know! " But nothing happened.  
" Scully, what are you doing here? Are you alright? " Frohike asked.   
" Yeah, I'm fine. I'm here to rescue you from them, " Scully said pointing to the girls.  
" Oh, no, not you again! " the girls moaned in unison.  
" You've met? " Byers asked confusedly.  
" Unfortunately. Mulder came here to about a week ago, and they tried to make him their sex slave, " Scully said. " I  
barely was able to rescue him. "  
" Oh, please, Dana. He didn't seem to mind. After all, there's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, " Lemia  
said.  
Suddenly, Glinda the Good Witch appeared. " Why, Gunmen, you've always been able to go home. Just smack your  
heads together 3 times and say ' There's no place like home, and Glinda's kung-fu is the best '. "  
* The secratary to the Gods briefly considered resurecting Graham Chapman so he could stop the silliness that was  
running rampant in this fic, then decided against it. )  
Scully roused Langly, and she and the 3 Gunmen tried Glinda's advice.  
" There's - ow! - no place like home - ow! - and Glinda's kung-fu is the best - ow! "  
  
Casa de Gunmen  
  
Scully and the Gunmen landed on the floor of the Gunmen's apartment.   
" Ow! Arg, I landed on something sharp! "  
" Ugh. That was painfull. "  
Mulder entered the apartment. " Oh, good, you rescued them! ... you guys wanna sunflower seed? "  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
